The adventures of Flatfish, episode 2, part 1/2. .----------------------------------------. | Hello everyone! It's me again, flatfish, | .======. | and today I'm going to be installing | }\: : ---| Red hat. | } - - - -8| '----------------------------------------' }/: : '======' .----------------------------------. | Hmmm, I've inserted the CD, let's | | see what it says... | '----------------------------------' __/ _________________________________ | _____________________________ | | |Redhat installation: | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | Press to install. | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |_____________________________| | | ooooo (=) | |_________________________________| /_________________________\ .-----------------------. .======. | Oh GOD. I never knew | : :/{ | it would be so cryptic. |______ |8- - - - { | Where are the icons | : :\{ | and pictures? What an | '======' | abortion Linux is! | '-----------------------' .---------------------------. | There's only one solution | .======. | to this. I'll have to visit | }\: : | my old friend Terry Porter. | } - - - -8| ____| I bet he can sort this mess | }/: : | out! | '======' '---------------------------' So, the next day: .------------------------------------. | Ah, here I am at last, at | | the airport. Unfortuanetly, I've | | spent so much money on Linux distros | | to install, I've no money left for | | a ticket. I'll have to smuggle | | myself on-board in true Flatfish | | fashion. | '------------------------------------' ____________ | |Kiev Airport| | _|____________| | |[] [] [] [] [] | __ |[] [] _ [] [] | _/OO\ |______| |______| O---O Eventually: |\______________ \_____.-.______) } {} {} {} {/ / /_.' __________________________ .--------------------------. | Bwahaha! I've cunningly | _____________ | hidden myself in this copy | /___________ /| | of Linux. It's such a pile | | .---. | | /| of shit, no-one will ever | | ..'.. '.. | | / | look inside! | |'-...___..' | | / '--------------------------' | _: . :...| | / |' ' .'' | | | | | ______| | |_____ | RedHat 6.2 | | |____________|/ But soon: .---------------------------------. | Oh, I don't feel so well out of | | the water... If I don't find | _________________/| ___| some stagnant water to flouder in | / /||__ / | soon I might die... | /________________/_ _ _''8 '---------------------------------' | Redhat 6.2 /|_____..' |_______________| |/ |/ .-+-------+-. | | | | | |_______| | .--------------------------------. :-----------: | Hmmm... Although not water, this | | | | seat is so sweaty and stale, I | | | | feel quite at home here. Whoever | _| |_ | was sitting here last must have | / | | \ | a great big fat arse! | / /| |\ \ '--------------------------------' /_/ / \ \_\ | /_/ /| |\ \_\ | |__|/ |___________| \|__| | / _______ \ / / }''_ _ _ _''8 \ ___/ / }'.._______..' \ (___________________) | | |___________________| .--------------------------. .-+-------+-. | Oh no, someone's coming | | | | | | back, I think it's.. | | |_______| | | ..the big fat yank... | :-----------: | ...Aaron Kulkis! | .~~~~~. | | '-------------------------' / _____ \ | | | ( / ) _| |_ | _____ | /_ | / | | \ | / ( )---( ) / /| |\ \ | / _______\_____/______ /_/ / \ \_\ | / .' | | | | '. /_/ /| |\ \_\ | / / | | | | \ |__|/ |___________| \|__| / / | | |_______| | | / _______ \ / / | \/ \/ | / }''_ _ _ _''8 \ ___/ / | / \ | / }'.._______..' \ / | / \ | (___________________) .-------+----. | : : | | | | Oooh, my \ \ : :_| |___________________| | ass sure does \ \: : \ | sting after \ : :__/ | | havin' that \ : : | | great big shite. : \_________________/ | | Maybe I should | \ | have a sit down. | \ '----------------' \ .-----------. | No, don't! | | Please! | '-----------' .~~~~~. /_ _\ ( \ ) .--| _\ |--. | ( )---( ) | __|___\_____/___|__ .' | | | | '. / | | | | \ | | |_______| | | | \/ \/ | | / \ | ( / \ ) / : : \ / : : \ ___ : : ___\ \: :/ \ ___//: :\\____/ __|/: :\|___| | . . | | '.........' | | | | | .~~~~~. .----------------------------------. / \ | Ah, that's better. Hmmm... maybe | ( \ ) _| I shudda wiped my ass after being | .--| _\ |--. ____/ | on the john for so long. | | ( )---( ) | '----------------------------------' __|___\_____/___|__ .' | | | | '. / | | | | \ | | |_______| | | | \/ \/ | | / \ | .------------------------------. ( / \ ) | Oh god, the smell! Please, get | / : : \ | up!!! Your arse is killing me! | / : : \ '------------------------------' ___ : : ___\ / \: :/ \ / ___//: :\\____/ ____/ __|/: :\|___| | . . | | '.........' | | | | | .~~~~~. .---------------------------------. /_______\ | What the blazes is that? My | ( \ ) _| ass appears to be talkin' to me. | .--| _\ |--. ______/ | I'd better get up and have a see. | | ( )---( ) | '---------------------------------' __|___\_____/___|__ .' | | | | '. / | | | | \ | | |_______| | | | \/ \/ | | / \ | ( / \ ) / : : \ / : : \ ___ : : ___\ \: :/ \ ___//: :\\____/ __|/: :\|___| | . . | | '.........' | | | | | .~~~. .----------------------------------. // p ) _______| What in tarnation? There appears | ___|-( |___ | to be a dead fish stuck to my | // /|\__/|| \\ | big, fat, American ass! This would | _ __// /_|____||__\\ | never happen in the states! | (_|____/ || '----------------------------------' | || | ___ |) | / 8 \ | | { | } | \ { | } / \ \_|_/ / | |/_\| | _| | _| | ( |__| ( |__| \___| \___| Later: .======. : \/{ 8- - - - { Captain's voice : /\{ .------------------------. '======' | We will soon be landing | | | in Moscow.... | | '------------------------' | / .-------------------------. ___/ | What the fuck? I thought | | this plane was going to | | Australia? | '-------------------------' .~~~~~. / _____ \ ( \ ) .----------------------------. .--| _\ |--. ______| Nope, this plane's goin' to | | ( )---( ) | | Russia, so I can buy myself | __|___\_____/___|__ | a new wife. | .' | | | | '. '----------------------------' / | | | | \ | |_______| | | .------------------------------------. .======. | Hmmm...this calls for evasive action.| }\/ : ___| I'll have to.....hijack the plane! | } - - - -8 '------------------------------------' }/\ : '======' .--------------------------------. | Hey Kulkis, do you have any guns | .~~~~~. | on you? | / \ '------------------------------.-' .=====-. ( \ ) .-----------------------------. \ : \/{ | _\ | | Why of course. I always carry | \__ 8- - - - { ( )---( ) ______| a full arsenal of weapons. It | : /\{ ____\_____/_____ | would be unconstitutional and | '======' | | | | '. | un-American not to. | | | | | \ '-----------------------------' | |______| | | .---------------. | Here you go... | '---------------' .----------. | | Thank you! | | '----------' .~~~~~. \ / \ \ ( \ ) \ | _\ | .________ .======. ( )---( ) [ ____.-' : \/{ _____\_____/_____ / | ['] 8- - - - { | | | | '. /\ |_| : /\{ | | | | \ / \/ '======' __| |_______| |_ \/ / |\ / | \ / | \__/ And so: .------------------------------. | This is a hijacking! Turn this | ______| plane around and head for | _ / | Australia! | |#\ / '.-----------------------------' |##\____________________ }}}} ....................`'. \________/ )_______--' / .' }}}}}}}}}}/___ .' /___.' Inside the plane: .----------------. ~_~_~ | Oh no, we're all | .------------------------------. ~/O O\~ ___| going to die! | | This would never have happened | () ) () '----------------' | if we were all allowed to have | // \ <>/ \\ | guns on board! This is all a | //___\_/___\\ | communist plot etc... | \__ ___/ '------------------------------' | | / | | .~~~~~. / |____| /_______\ / | __ | ( \ ) / || || | _\ | || || ( )---( ) _|| ||_ __\_____/__ (__| |__) Eventually: .--------------------. | Here we are at last! | '-.------------------' / _________ .. : )_______) ._.' : :: / .' '.:'. ...--' '. .' : : : '. : ', .' : .... : '._.'' '.'. .' : '...'.' :'. . . .'.' :': ..''' ' .'.' .'..' '' At the airport: .---------------------------------. _____ | Oh bugger, how will I escape now? | / . | '--.------------------------------' / .. '.| | / ''\ :| _________________________________________/ /'..\' | .' Air Ukraine .-------. (oo oo(o)oooooooooooooo(o)oooooooooooo(o)oo ( ( '._______________( \_________________--' || '. \ || /*\.. '. OOOO |**| '''...___ '. \/_____/ ||'.... '. ________ OOOO ''''' | POLICE \ .-------------. | \ ---| Come out with | 'o'----'o'' | your fins up! | '-------------' .----------------------------. | Ahah, I have an idea, I will | .======. | conceal myself in someone's | : \/{ | pants, then slip out once |____ 8- - - - { | they've left the plane... | : /\{ '----------------------------' '======' .-----------------------. ### | This woman's pants look | ##### | quite comfortable. | #'\'# '-------------------.---' # - # \ #| # \ || ) ) .===. || || } - - : ()__|) '===' /| |_\___ (_| || | | | || | |_|_||_____| |__\\ And so: | \ __/ ____/____\___ / . . \ .---------------. / '. '.\ | In we slide... | / / . .\ '---------------' / /| : : \ / / / | _ _._ .\ | / | / | \ / '''| | | / | | | / a \ _______/ | | | { a } | | | |_| | { a } | |_| (___) |__{__a__}___|(___) | | .'============|_____\__________ | |: | | | |: | | |__|' | | / \'. | | | | || | | | | || | |________________| \____/ | | | .-------------------------. ### | Oh dear, I seem to have a | ##### | rather damp patch around | #.\.# ______| my twat. I wonder what | # - # | could be causing that. | #| # '-------------------------' || ) ) || || ()__|) _|##|_\___ | | || | | | || | |_|_||_____| |__\\ #### ### /_ __\ .----------------------------. ##### |'/ '| ___| Hey, is that a dead flatfish | #.\.# '.--'' | down your pants or are you | # - # / \ | just pleased to see me? | #| # || || '----------------------------' || ) ) || || || || ||___|| ()__|) (| () _|##|_\___ || | | | || | || | | | || | || | |_|_||_____| ||__| |__\\ ((____| \ .----------------------. | I'm afraid it's a dead | | flatfish. | '----------------------' Anyway: .----------------------------. | Ha! I have managed to escape | .======. | alive, and now I can get on | }\/ : ___| with my quest to install | } - - - -8 | Red Hat. | }/\ : '----------------------------' '======' Several hours later: .---------------------. | Ahah, this knackered | | old shack must be | ___ ____ __ | Terry Porter's house. | / /\| / |/ /\__/\ '---------------------' / / / / / / \ | '_._.___.____.___.__' | ||||||| | |#||{* }| | ..-.--|||#|| o||||{_*}|-.--.---.|----..--..---..-- . |||||| | |||#||||| . . | . . . |#|||#|_|_|#|||||#| . | . . . \ \ . . . .| . . . . . \ \__________________________________ \__________________8======{__________ . . . . . . . . . . \ \ __.''._______.'._____.'.__.''._____.'.__\ ||||||||| ||||||||{\ }|||| ||##||||| | ||||||||{ \ /}|||| ||##||||| | | ||||||||{ /\/ }|||| ||##||||| | ||||||||{/ \ }|||| |||#||||| | | ||||||||{______}|||| |||#||||| | | o |||||||||||||||||||| ||||||||| | |||||||||||||||||||| ||||||||| | |||||||||||||||||||| |||||#||| | _._ |||||||||||||||||||| |||||#||| | / 8 \ |||||||||||||||||||| |||||##|| | { a } |||||||||||||||||||| . |||||||||____{ a }_|||||||||||||||||||| .\ \ a \_\ . . . \ '..___{\ *knock*. . . \ \ *knock* . .\ \ *knock* . . \ \ . .\ \_________________ . \ . \ . \ . . \_________________________ Inside: .--------. ______|________|______ .---------------------. (______________________) | Aww strewth! Who the | | | (< O>/ \< O>) | | | fuck could that be? | D D | (___) | D D _________| SHEILA! GO AND SEE | ___________|'.'.'.'.'|______________ | WHO'S AT THE FUCKING | .' |'.=====.'| '. | DOOR! | | '..'.'.'..' | '---------------------' | ________/'-----'\________ | | /| | | |\ | '._/ | | .----. | | \____.' .' / | | |~~~~| | | \ '. | / | '. |XXXX|_.' \ \ | |/ /| '._____.------ \____\ \ | / / | :--- : | / / | :--- _________.' | : : | '-----'' | | : '. | |XXXX| | | '. '.| '----' | | |'. '. | | |__'. '. | ______| .' '.___'.__________________|.' ___ '. .' / *scratch* \ \++\ '. .' / \ \++\ '. ' / *scratch* \ \++\ '. / _____ \ '. ..... / / \ \ ............:. '/ / \ \.' '. / / \ \ : : .----------------. ____| FUCK OFF! GO AND | | ANSWER IT YOUR- | | FUCKING-SELF! | '----------------' ___ __|___|__ .-------------------. ____|.\.|____ | Jesus Christ bitch! |__ (____|.-.|____) | I'm trying to watch | |/_||`---'||\ | | the Aussie Rules, | // ||__|X|||\\| | you go and fucking | // | :''---': | open the door. | \\ | |..----' '-------------------' ()_|___|_|_|__| / // ___ \\ \ /__// / \ \\__\ |__|| |_____| ||__| | | | | | | | | | | | | |__|_|_____|_|__| /__| |__\ _ ## .--------. ## ### ##### _____|________|______ ###### ### (_____________________) #### : | | (/ \) | | ## _______: D D | (___) | D D :: o\/o : |'.'.'.'.'| '. (_) : |'.=====.'| _|.' _.'.'.'.: '..'.'.'..' / |.'| \_.'.'.|__ ___ ____/'-----'\________ __.' |.'|/.'.'.'.| /| | | |\ \ :.'.'.'.'.'.| / | | | | \ | \'.'.._.'.': / | | | | \ | '...'.'..' | | '..' | | \ | | \ | / .------------. | / | What did you | .---------------------------------. / | fucking call | | I called you a fucking bitch. | / | me? | | Now go and open the fucking door. | '------------' '---------------------------------' | | | | .------------------. | | Why don't you get | | | off your fat arse | .--------------------------------. | and open it? You | | Absolute bollocks. I got up | | haven't been off | | last Tuesday to turn the telly | | that fucking chair | | over. Now answer the fucking | | in three weeks. | | door you fucking whore. | '------------------' '--------------------------------' .--------------------. | Right, that's it, | .--------------. | I'm going to fucking | | Awww...bugger. | | kill yer! | '--------------' '--------------------' / | / | ___ / ## ## | | | ####### | ============= ## __| | | |(o>|o>)| | ( o> / D D| ( |D D |.'.--| |===.'| /\.'.'| __\.'./__ | __ \ /|| ||\ \ .-------------. | | \ \ /_||_____||_\ \ | Alright then, | | | \ |__ __ // | | \\ \| I'll open the | | \ \|__'__} :: | _| // | friggin' door | | \ ' ' } || |_____|X|// '-------------' | \_____.__} || | |()/ | | () | . |_| |_______| | .' '. | | ) ) | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |---|-| | | | | | |_|__ __|_| __| | |______)_) (____|(____| And so: .------. | Hello? | '------' | \ / \ __.''._______.'._____.'.__.''._____.'.__\ ||||||||| |#| =='|##||||||||{\ }|||| ||##||||| ||#_\.'/_##||||||||{ \ /}|||| ||##||||| ||/||__||\#||||||||{ /\/ }|||| ||##||||| ||/| |.|||||||||{/ \ }|||| |||#||||| o|#| |||||||||||{______}|||| |||#||||| |#|____||||||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||| |#| |()|||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||| |#| || |##|||||||||||||||||||| |||||#|||| |#| || |##|||||||||||||||||||| |||||#||| |#|_||_|##|||||||||||||||||||| |||||##|| /#(__)(__)#|||||||||||||||||||| . |||||||||/###########|||||||||||||||||||| .\ 8- - \/{ \ . . . \ \____/\{ \ . . . \ \ . .\ \ . . . \ \ ___ | | ============= .-------------------------. | |(